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Wednesday, December 12, 2018

Foam In Our Seats Please Air New Zealand - It is a Travel Safety Issue for the Two Cowboys

Hard Landings

Sitting on planks for fourteen hours straight should be classified as cruel and unreasonable torture and be illegal. If it is not felonious, it is immoral.

Air New Zealand squanders thousands of dollars on pc-perfect hard-to-follow and frankly, ludicrous rap safety videos, while they fail to recognize a growing disgrunt amongst their most loyal long-distance economy-class customer hoard. 

We want foam in our seats, please!

People like me, who are trapped in Air New Zealand’s reigning monopoly on long-distance direct routes from places like Vancouver to Auckland are fed up with our seats. Air New Zealand appears to be distracted (as usual) by the sizzle of flight and is completely oblivious to a simple crucial detail required for reasonable fourteen-hour travel bearability - the padding in a seat.

In their case there is none!


It is gone. Taken by the arse-grinding of the masses that frequent the aeroplanes every day. Fuel is restocked, food loaded and staff refreshed. What about the seat cushions? When do we get those serviced and replaced?

We are budget travellers like normal people. Like normal people, we have a simple expectation to depart and arrive relatively intact from point A to point B. That is our first priority. This means that before the beef bourguignon is served with croutons and freshly ground (at the hanger back in Welli.) pepper, and the latest Villa Maria chablis is broken out, we expect the simple good fortune of at least having a reasonably adequate seat.

Note, I didn't say comfortable, large, spacious, plush or feature loaded. I simply used the word "adequate seat". After hour three we've crossed the line of all comfort anyway with the Asia-standard seat dimensions that are prevailing on their long-haul flights.

I mentioned seat and not bench or stool, which usually comes with a wooden platform for your behind. Fourteen hours of endurance on the plank should be something relegated to the torture chambers of the Middle Ages. Guess what! It's back!

A seat, one would reasonably expect, has some level of padding that helps you endure fourteen hours of wedged cramped vibration and shaking. Did I mention fourteen hours of agony?

Come on Air New Zealand. Fly and seat, then food and drink. We are not asking for much. You can do it. Our horse hardened foundations will be eternally grateful.

Flying Cowboy

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Torture Tube!